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Do you have LFT? This one thing could be crushing your success...
I am sure you're itching to know what LFT is, but don't jump ahead -
How do you define impatience'? I think of it as insisting that the world (other people, events, fact, ourselves) should conform to our own rules and standard when they don't and sometimes cannot.
Impatience says "it should be this way because I said so" and then gets upset about a reality that refuses to conform.
If you get very impatient, you may have LFT.
WHAT THE HECK IS L.F.T.?
You're proving my point.
LFT is LOW FRUSTRATION TOLERANCE ' meaning when you can't have things go your way you get frustrated easily. So you give up. Or you sulk. You demand (even if only in yourself) that it should be easier and (if you've got it really severely) you can't believe that it's so hard. (BTW what you really mean is that it's harder than you want it to be and you just don't like it!)
Albert Ellis, creator of Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy calls it discomfort disturbance'. He suggests that people with LFT think: "My life must be easy and people have to give me everything I crave." These ideas involve our ego saying I must have an easy life, I must be perfect, and people and conditions should always cater to me, me, me me!'
In a way, someone who operates with LFT is an emotional toddler. They haven't grown up and realised that, as mum says "the world doesn't revolve around you!" And we can be stuck for YEARS refusing to recognise that every situation has its own special demands and conditions.
There are things which just need to be done, whether we like it or not. And they're not going to go away. Now, we might be able to find a way to do them more effectively and efficiently, but sometimes, if we are going to do them, we just have to do them! Understanding that we might operate this way becomes especially important when we are building a future for ourselves and our loved ones. They say "The path of true love never runs smoothly." I've found that's true in many more areas rather than just love!
Ellis says that discomfort disturbance also makes us think in irrationally godlike ways because the main philosophy behind it is : "Since I am such a special person who needs to have my main wants and interests gratified, other people must give me exactly what I desire and conditions must be arranged nicely to cater to my wishes. If not, it's awful, I can't stand it, and life is hardly worth living."
And in the words of the little school-
But it doesn't do any good, does it? We've all been around people who sulk that the world isn't giving them what they want. And it gets very boring after a while. Get over yourself! (you want to say!)
L.F.T. often leads to anxiety and depression and when you indulge in your anxiety instead of making real efforts to overcome it, you are giving in to your LFT. I've (ahem) tended to suffer from this so I read this article to my wife and asked her how she thought I was coming along with my LFT'.
She said: "Sometimes you have a tantrum that God is not coming through fast enough for you, even if you were believing strongly a week or a month ago. You think it's not coming your way fast enough, you think you want too much, and you think it's not going to happen. Eventually after being childish you come back to yourself and you ask for my help. We sit and we talk, you get a new understanding on how to wait for what you want then you repeat the process but you take a little longer to get there than last time."
So I guess I'm in recovery with the occasional relapse!
What can we do to develop High Frustration Tolerance?
William James, sometimes called The father of Modern Psychology' said we should do something we don't want to do every day just to develop the habit of being able to do it. So even when something comes up that we don't like, we'll be more likely to roll up our sleeves and do it.
I have started to push myself a little to finish something I don't want to finish, and try to think of things that require patience. Like jigsaws or crossword puzzles. I hate Sudoka so doing one of those will probably help me!
I think one of the most important things we can do is recognise that we have this mindset and decide to grow up! The Bible says: " 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. (1 Corinthians 13:11)
Recognise that our thinking style is just not appropriate for an adult working to achieve something in the real' world. Ask others (who love us and want to help us develop) to point out when we are being unrealistic and childish. Get them to wrly comment "Your LFT is acting up again!"
God bless
Douglas Cartwright
Do you struggle with procrastination, perfectionism, and just generally having trouble getting yourself to take action? If you'd like free access to an outrageously powerful change pattern called 'intentions into actions' then please visit www.overcomingprocrastination.co.uk and sign up for immediate access.