Douglas Cartwright helps professional untie 'psychological knots' that keep them stuck, and helps them start taking action.

SITE NAVIGATION MENU

The Not so Perfect Truth about Perfectionism

 

 

Everyone knows someone who's a bit of a perfectionist, right? (It might even be you.)

 

From the lady who won't go out until her makeup is just right to the would-be entrepreneur who won't turn in his business plan until it covers all the bases, perfectionism seems to be driven by the desire for excellence. And sometimes it is.

 

We sometimes mock those who have very high standards but those are the often the people we turn to for help. They're the professionals, those who get the job done, and done well.

 

However, there's something slightly neurotic about perfectionism, something 'behind the veil' - a dark secret or three that the perfectionist wants to hide from you - and perhaps from themselves.

 

Fear.

 

Fear of not being good enough.

 

Fear of being judged not good enough.

 

Fear that comes from judging oneself not good enough.

 

But behind those I agree with Susan Jeffers who wrote Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, that there's an even more primal fear. The fear of not being able to cope with the judgments that others make or we make about ourselves.

 

Think about it - if you really don't care what others think about your hair because YOU like it, you're not going to be afraid of their comments. You can cope with them because they don't matter to you.

 

Even if the comments do bother you, if you have the right mindset you can feel upset, but later take a deep breath and move on.

 

But if you are looking to other people as the source of your validation, you're in trouble.

 

Other people (even your best friends) do not always have you best interests at heart.

 

They will hurt you because they're human.

 

You cannot entrust your perceptions of your worth, or the worth of your work to other people.

 

I know. I did it for YEARS.

 

Yes, you do need to take feedback but the trick is to learn how not to personalise it.

 

You need to learn how to validate yourself.

 

Want some more reasons?

 

Perfectionism leads to depression, performance anxiety, and low self-esteem. Perfectionism leads to procrastination and before you know it, days, months and years have gone by. So what have your overly high standards really got you?

 

If you're fortunate - you will reach a tipping point where you get nuts and realise this mindset is not doing you any good. Then you might realise that:

 

'A good plan today is better than a great plan tomorrow'

'If my hair gets messed up, I'm still valuable.'

 

You might realise in some cases how shallow perfectionism is making you. I am currently trying to make sure my pre-teen daughter understands her value doesn't come from the way she looks. I can see the end of the road on this one if I don't help her.

 

Or, you can jump rather than be pushed. Get some coaching with a cognitive-behavioural trained coach or therapist. Read a decent CBT book like Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy by Avy Joseph.

 

If you're unhappy, stop lying to yourself that you just have high standards. You know how you really feel inside.

 

Douglas Cartwright is a cognitive-behavioural coach who helps people overcome perfectionism and procrastination and turn 'intentions into actions'. He is currently offering free 'explore your breakthrough sessions' to those serious about changing.

 

Visit http://www.livingwords.net/freeintro.html and listen to the audio. He has also decided to give away one of the most powerful implementing techniques on the planet at http://www.overcomingprocrastination.co.uk.